Zag?ada, originally uploaded by eisenbahner.
This all started a little bit more than a week ago, when i came back from a vacation in my native Poitou (district of France). Despite my worse fears, i had a very good time over there. Back in dutchyland, i was relaxed and motivated to change a couple things in my everyday. i was so motivated that i decided to quit smoking! Just to put you in my chair for a second: i smoke since more than 10 years, 15 to 20 ciggies a day and that’s not including the pimped ones. My mum used to be big on the cigarette as well. Smart her, she quited 5 years ago. So if she was able to quit, why not me?
The day following my arrival, i woke up early and decided to fight my addiction: I went straight to my local drug store to buy nicotine patches. The (pretty) woman working there kindly oriented me to the ‘middle strenght’ patches (14mg/day) assuring me that it suits for my 15cigs/day. I stick one on my back and go running. I’m sure that it will do the trick and that anything else is just about motivation and brain control.
The first 3 days went quite smoothly: I went running further that i ever did before, generaly spent a lot of time outdoor rather than on the computer. I was relaxed and enjoying the fact that i was still on PTO. Moral was good! I even started cooking a bit more veggies since i was actually able to smell them. Feeling good so far, just a bit anxious, really nothing alarming…
Everything changed on the next day, after lunch. I started being extremely nervous and tired, feeling like going to bed in the middle of the afternoon. My first thought was that it was due to the unusual amount of sport and physical activities i did the last 4 days, my body was asking for some rest. Fair enough, i slept and stayed in bed until the next day.
Day 5, the wake up goes pretty okay. I still wanna burn one but i know i shouldn’t: back on that time i still think that if i resist just a couple more day the miss will go away (don’t ask me where i got that idea). Morning goes, i have lunch but a very light one. Since yesterday i don’t have much appetite anyway. One hour later the fatigue is back, i’m feeling dizzy and sick, again.
Wondering if i’m gonna trow up my lunch or not, i start realizing that the nicotine has more control over my mind than i thought as it’s now tricking all my body. I smoke half of a marlboro kindly provided by roomy. I’m feeling sicker for a second and then 30 min later magic happens: not tired nor sick anymore.. i actually feel better! A couple hours later i went to the corner store and bought myself a pack of my favorites. Patchy is off, i smoke a couple ones in the evening.
Day 6, back to work! I still wanna quit but i’m more aware of my dependence. My patch is back in the action, let’s try not to smoke at the office. 4 hours later i’m feeling bad. All my energy is already gone and my BigMac refuses to stay in my stomach. I’ll finish the day at home. Stressed and nervous, everything around me is an aggression. Even lights and sounds around me comes to bother me. Once again only one thing to get me out of here: take off the damn (and obviously useless) patch and smoke one, again.
Today, no patch. 6 ciggies so far and prolly one more before falling off to bed. My lungs hurts because of starting smoking again, and just to top that i think i’ve caught a f*ing cold. I still wanna quit but i understand that i went too strong on the abstinence. I need to work on reducing my daily consumption before stopping. I learned that i can’t quit in just a week and that nicotine got much more control over me than i thought.
Despite the distance my parents provided me with great support over the phone through all that, i will never thank them enough to support me whatever i decide to do and no matter how many times i change my mind about it! Friends are not forgotten, i’ll make it up for the parties i was invited to and did not attend this last week! My final advice? Don’t quit smoking, it will make you sicker :p
